How to Ask a Question that Someone Can't NOT Answer (and can't hide the true answer either)
Body language is very hard to hide
I don’t think I’m a big social media junkie.
If that sounds vague, it’s because I don’t know what the government criteria are for declaring you above or below the Social Media Junkiness line (thereby singling you out as worthy of pity).
Was a big Twitter user up until a year ago, then I dropped out almost entirely to focus on actually making some money. (My wife was relieved.) Occasionally I pop on because somebody’s emailed me a link that takes me to Twitter, but otherwise I can go weeks without being on Twitter at all.
Medium fell off that cliff about the same time. Facebook fell off years ago.
But the 3 that still get some use are
Substack (on which you might be reading these words)
LinkedIn (ditto)
YouTube
LinkedIn will get used during conventional working hours (often used just to research someeone on a professional level).
Substack and YouTube, I visit in the evenings, when I’m too tired to think straight, but awake enough to still crave some kind of mental engagement.
YouTube is where I meet people who make me think. People who ask me questions nobody’s ever asked me before.
I follow all sorts on YouTube, as long as they make me think.
Case in point: Rabbi Manis Friedman.
Quite the dude.
Not sure what strand of Judaism he’s a rabbi in, but judging from the wide-brimmed black hat and long flowing white beard, it ain’t a liberal one.
This past Saturday night, the Rabbi got me thinking.
There’s this guy and this girl, he says. Been dating on and off for 3 years. Can’t make it stick, but can’t give each other up either. Driving his parents crazy (hers too, probably).
They come to the Rabbi. Can you talk some sense into our son?
Sure, he says.
Son says, I dunno! She’s beautiful, great job, first class brain, articulate ... She’s 99% of everything I want!
Why can’t I pop the question? I dunno!
No fool, the rabbi. He asks ...
Does she make you feel like a man?
BOOM
Nailed it. Nailed the 1%.
What fascinates me is not just the insight into male/female dynamics.
It’s the nature of the question. The category.
Think I’ll call ‘em 1/99 Questions.
It was a questions you asked, and the instant you ask it, you, and they ... know the answer. Immediately.
You just have to look them in the eye when you ask the question, and judge their reaction, their body language.
I’m guessing the man in this story, his face probably fell a little. He probably went ... Huh … I … gee …
And he didn’t need to say No, because he knew it, and he knew the wise old rabbi knew it.
It’s a question crafted so that it goes straight to the core of the problem, straight into your soul. It touches the rawest of human emotions that, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t hide.
You can’t hide them from others, and you can’t hide from them yourself.
The mere asking of a 1/99 Question doesn’t invite the correct answer, so much as it summons it. Orders it. Pulls it out of the ground kicking and screaming.
No man, in his right mind, wants to get married to a girl who doesn’t make him feel like a man. Or vice versa, in her case.
I was so fascinated by this story, that I’ve started The List of 1/99 Questions. As I come across more, I’ll post ‘em here.
Coming soon ...
A synopsis of 3 books I actually finished last week.
I generally have about 10 books on the go at a time. Terrible I know. I just get bored so fast.
The three are:
The RRSP Secret (Greg Habstritt)
Complete Taxation Guide to Canadian Real Estate Investing (Cherry Chan)
Inventing Bitcoin (Yann Pritzker)
You’re not crazy to think they must have been incredibly dull ... but you’d be wrong. I’ll give you a TL;DR.
And I’ll give you a personal update too.
His Awkwardness, the Copywriting Gandalf